Slow and Steady Wins The Race Gets You Yelled At

The 2010 baseball season is five days old, and already my beloved Yankees are the source of controversy. Seems the crew chief of their opening series against the hated Red Sox, Cowboy Joe West, wasn't happy with the pace of Tuesday night's game.

Well, excu-u-u-u-u-se us, fatbody. The game takes time because the teams take their time. This is only one of the most important series all year for both teams, teams who are going to be neck and neck at each other all year with not only a playoff spot but possible home field advantage for the ALCS and a trip to the World Series and, oh, yeah, by the way, about a gajillion zillion dollars on the line, God forbid they play the game deliberately, neither throwing the ball right down the chute or swinging at pitches in the dirt. If you don't like it, you can always go be an NFL referee...oh, that's right, I forgot, they don't pay as much as MLB does, so your fat lazy ass would have to get a job for the eight months of the year they're not in season, and no, I'm not counting the playoffs in that, because with your attitude and your Grand Canyon-sized strike zone, there's no way you'd ever get named to a postseason crew. If you don't understand the dynamics of the division structure or the fact that fans of this rivalry would gladly watch these two teams go head to head for eight hours, let alone four, then maybe it's time for you to move on and focus on your music career.