Wednesday, January 13, 2010

We're Doomed

Audiences depressed that Avatar isn't real

That's it, people, it's all over. I officially resign from the human race. I'm not sure which species I'm going to apply to for asylum yet, but I'm leaning toward "cat". I just have to increase my flexibility enough to be able to lick my own junk. Just to put it into perspective, as I write this, the headline for this story is sharing space with the Haiti earthquake and the prospect of over 100,000 deaths. If you're reading this, and you're suicidal because sci-fi isn't real, do the rest of us a favor and act on your urges, especially if you haven't yet reproduced. (And let's face it, that's the most likely scenario for anyone who's depressed because Avatar is make-believe.) Future generations will thank you for it.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Paying It Forward

Obama administration considering charging banks fees to recoup bailout funds

Apparently, whoever came up with this scheme doesn't understand how corporations work. They answer to their stockholders first, last, and always, and what's good for the stockholders is not to cheerfully pay these fees and leave everything else equal, taking the hit as a decrease in their bottom line. No, these types of fees get passed along to bank customers, with the end result being less money in taxpayer pockets. It's a way of raising taxes again without announcing, "Hey, everyone, we're raising taxes again!" Look, every dollar the government spends comes from one place: you and me (unless you're reading this from another country). Raising "fees" (government-speak for "taxes") to "recover" tax dollars spent on bailouts is just robbing Peter to pay Paul. The only way to truly "recover" the money without taking it out of the people's pockets is to cut spending--something that this administration doesn't seem to get yet.