Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Greatest Excuses Ever

"I thought I was smuggling diamonds, not drugs."

The false suitcase bottom didn't tip this guy off to the fact that he was doing something illegal? It's too bad they can't tack on extra years for stupidity.

Friday, February 13, 2009


I hate flip-flopping, but in this case, I have to do it. I don't mind changing my mind, so much, but when I feel strongly about something and give voice to it in strong words, like I did with my A-Rod post a couple of days ago, I like to stick to it. But this time Bud Selig has gone too far.

A-Rod "shamed the game" of baseball? Maybe so--but no more so than the other 103 players who tested positive in that supposedly anonymous test. I'm pissed at A-Rod--and not so much pissed at as disappointed in--because he was supposed to be the Great Clean Hope, who would reclaim baseball's home run records from the evil, tainted clutches of Barry Bonds. His record and legacy are just as tainted as Bonds, McGwire, Canseco, and others from MLB's Steroid Era, but he was within the rules of the game (if not the rule of law). About 14% of the league tested positive along with him, not an insignificant number. And that's just the ones who got caught. Serious juicers know all sorts of tricks to avoid being caught by simple urine tests. For that reason alone, I'm against Curt Schilling's call to publish the names of all those who failed the anonymous tests. It could falsely exonerate a cheater who managed to game the system by chemical means.

But I digress. A couple of days removed from Alex's confession, and with some time to think with some balance about what's best for both baseball and for my favorite team, I just don't feel as harshly about A-Rod as I did a few days ago. And I certainly don't feel as harshly about A-Rod as Selig does. I'm disappointed, and certainly won't root for A-Rod with the same intensity as I did in past seasons, but for the good of the Yankees, I'm going to move on and focus on the present. Bud Selig needs to do the same.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Separated at birth?

Bank of America head honcho Ken Lewis and former XFL commentator Jim "J.R." Ross

I don't know why, but I feel a lot more confidence about our economic recovery after seeing this. Maybe it's the knowledge that if this bailout thing doesn't work, we can stay afloat selling barbecue sauce.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Workin' At The Car Wash

Car wash owners charged with mistreating, harassing employees

This story doesn't say, but it makes me wonder what the immigration status of the employees in this story was. I'm not saying that the owners aren't scumbags, or don't deserve to go to jail if the allegations are true, but people who are in the country illegally and working "off the books" make themselves targets for this type of predatory boss. That type of thinking probably makes me some sort of evil victim-blamer in some people's eyes, but I don't care. I think of it as taking one's fair share of the responsibility when bad things happen.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Headline blatantly swiped from yesterday's New York Post. Because it's true.

I was defending A-Rod--once again--to friends over the weekend. My side of the conversation went something like, "Well, you know, it is possible to have a false positive in these tests. You don't see any of the other telltale signs, such as becoming injury-prone, or suddenly, mysteriously, gaining 50 pounds of muscle in the offseason. I'm going to be on his side until he confesses."

Which lasted until Monday afternoon. Whoops.

I'm so tired of having to stick up for this douche. He's made an ass of himself and his family right on the front page of the papers, he's caused nothing but distraction year after year since coming to the Bronx, and he's done nothing but fail down the stretch and into the postseason. And still, I've rooted for him, for the good of the team. No more. I'm done. I'm out. The Yankees don't need him anymore. There are other third basemen out there. We've added Mark Teixeira--he can replace A-Rod's offensive contributions easily. Oh, I'll still be rooting for the Yankees--I'll just be hoping they win while A-Rod falls to the bottom of the lineup, eventually getting benched and traded for a couple of long-shot pitching prospects. The worst part about all of this? A-Rod was the best shot to have a "clean" player break Barry Bonds's tainted home run record. Now it looks like the most revered record in sports is going to be in the hands of a juicer for at least another generation.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Post-Super Bowl Thoughts, XLIII Edition

  • The commercials sucked this year, just like the last couple of years. I blame the whiny noodges like the PTC that give bad press to any company that dares to try anything edgy or outrageous (remember the flack over Budweiser's farting horse ad?) and scares the advertisers away from taking any chances.
  • I feel bad for Larry Fitzgerald. He played a great game, and it's going to be completely lost to history. He's the best receiver in the game today, and non-diehard football fans don't know him because he doesn't do prop celebrations in the end zone, doesn't shoot himself in nightclubs, and doesn't do cocaine off a credit card in parked cars.
  • That said, Santonio Holmes's game-winning TD catch was one of the greatest Super Bowl plays I've ever seen. Maybe not quite as good as Tyree's helmet catch last year, but I'm definitely biased.
  • Parity is a good thing. We've had a bunch of good, close Super Bowl games over the past several years. Remember when the 49ers or Cowboys could be counted on to blow out their Super Bowl opponent, year in and year out? Those games were boring to watch. Dynasties are great for the history books, but boring to live through, unless you root for the team that's on top.
  • If New England is the team of the 'aughts, Pittsburgh is a close second. 2 wins and no losses in the Super Bowl, and two more AFC championship appearances...that's not too shabby.
Finally, in tribute to the champs--an updated video version of their fight song!

Is it as good as the original? You be the judge. There's definitely more "shoehorning" of the lyrics to fit the original song, but to me, that's just comedy gold.