Imus and VT

I guess I've about missed my chance to comment on the Don Imus situation, since it's been replaced by the Virginia Tech story in America's ADD-paced media spotlight. There's not too much I can say about it that hasn't been said anyway--I'm a fan of Imus, I'm not a fan of Sharpton or Jackson, and both advertisers and media outlets are too quick to capitulate to threats from special interest groups of questionable effectiveness. The taking of our free speech rights isn't coming from the government, it's coming from corporate conglomerates. And isn't it wonderful how everyone rushed to come out as an "insider against Imus" once he was safely fired and there was no danger of rebuttal? Olberman and Russert, I'm looking straight at you.

But that's nothing compared to the "soft targets" that are about to come under attack in the wake of the Virginia Tech tragedy. Get ready for another round of calls for tougher gun laws, in spite of the fact that a single armed civilian could potentially have lowered the casualty count by stopping the shooter more quickly. And as information about this shooter gradually becomes available, watch for extremists from both parties to take pro-censorship stances if it's revealed that he ever watched Natural Born Killers or ever played a game of Doom (yes, I know that's a dated reference, but it still seems to be the one that the politicians still like to use, fifteen years after the game's release), ignoring the sea of people who patronize the billion-dollar entertainment industries without ever committing a violent crime themselves (myself included). The only way to avert tragedies like this is to continue to try and identify mentally ill individuals (as this man obviously was), and get them out of the general populace and into treatment before they hurt others.

New Link: Screwballs

I've added another blog I'm really enjoying to my blogroll list, the lighter-side-of-baseball site Screwballs, currently featuring A-Rod homosexuality and a pedophile mascot (who's a ripoff of Oscar the Grouch). Go on over and give 'em some traffic.

Hat tip to my blogless pal Zeb for the link.

Playoffs? Don't Talk About Playoffs!

OK, Coach Mora, I won't dwell on them for long. But I'm excited about the start of the NHL playoffs tonight--I've gotten back into this sport in a big, big way after taking last year off as an "F-U season" following the previous year's lockout. Of course I'll be rooting for my New York Rangers, hoping they can carry their mostly positive momentum forward from the second half of the season. Of course, should they get knocked out, look for the logo to the left to be replaced with one for my brother's Pittsburgh Penguins.

Gangsta Style

Gizoogle - see the web in Doggy Dogg style!

And just in time for Easter Sunday...

Jeebus Is God - the gangsta's Bible.

Happy Easter, everyone!

All A-Twitter

Yep, another new feature here at Beast's World for all my fine readers today. Over the weekend, my blogging buddy Squidly posted a link to a short-form blogging site called "Twitter", used to share the mundane details of what you're doing Right This Minute™. It's meant to be used with cell phones and instant messengers, but I don't have the former and seldom use the latter, so instead of where I am and what I'm doing, you'll mostly get my random short-form thoughts that don't merit a full-fledged blog entry. Of course, if you're a true fan, you'll want to read the archive, and add me as a friend so we can read each other's drivel right on our own pages.

2007 MLB Predictions

I love baseball season, and it kicked off last night with Squidly's Mets giving a sound thrashing to the defending champion St. Louis Cardinals. My beloved Yankees open up the season this afternoon against Tampa Bay. It should be an easy series win on paper, but for some reason the D-Rays always seem to cause us problems, especially tonight's starter, Scott Kazmir. (I say tonight because I'll be watching on my MLB.TV archive--so don't ruin it for me!) That being said, if I'm going to do a prediction post for the season, I probably should do it before I actually start to watch the games (although I could buck the trend and be the only blogger to make a prediction post during the All-Star break.)

American League

AL East: Does anyone think believe this division will be anything other than Boston and New York battling it out for the pennant? They both have great pitching rotations (if they can keep them healthy), but I think hitters will start to figure out Dice-K's gyroball as they get good looks at it, and I also think the Yankees' bullpen is just a hair better than that of the Sawks. Division champ: Yankees in a squeaker.

AL Central: The Tigers won't catch anyone by surprise this year, but last year's young players will only continue to improve. Chicago is over, and the Indians will have Detroit looking over their shoulder at the All-Star break, but this division won't be competitive by the end of August. Division champ: Tigers all the way.

AL West: The A's have lost their best pitcher to free agency, the Rangers and Mariners will be fortunate to finish at .500, thus leaving the division open for the Angels...if they can stay healthy. Division champ: Angels.

AL Wild Card: Red Sox. Cleveland will give them the toughest run for their money and Oakland will be there through mid-September, but Boston always seems to flip that switch when they need to.

National League

NL East: I made the mistake of overestimating Atlanta and underestimating the Mets and Phils last year--a mistake that won't be repeated here. Philadelphia's stronger starting rotation and more powerful bats overcome the Mets' deeper bullpen in a close race. Loser of this division takes the Wild Card even if I end up having the order backwards. The other three teams in this division will be lucky to finish with a winning percentage over .400. Division champ: Phillies by a nose.

NL Central: St. Louis repeats, that much isn't in doubt. (At least as Tony LaRussa refrains from taking a drunken power-nap in the dugout.) Injury-prone Chicago will start strong but won't be able to hang in there. Out of the other teams in the division, watch for the Pirates to be this year's Tigers, making a surprise run at a Wild Card berth. Division champ: Cardinals by default.

NL West: San Francisco improves, but I'm picking with my heart here and predicting that Barry Bonds's knees give out, he's unable to catch Hank Aaron, and 'Frisco falls short against the Padres. I also predict that Randy Johnson still sucks, and hence the Diamondbacks finish with a losing record again, along with the Rockies.

NL Wild Card: Mets over the surprise Pirates. The Dodgers and Cubs will be in this race as well.

AL Playoffs
ALDS: Yankees over Angels, Tigers over Red Sox
ALCS: Tigers over Yankees

NL Playoffs
NLDS: Phillies over Padres, Cardinals over Mets
NLCS: Phillies over Cardinals

World Series: Phillies over Tigers in 6

We'll be back to this post in October to see how I did. Don't forget to leave your own predictions in the comments!

I Can't Drive 55

I'm making this post from the living room of my parents' house near Reading, Pa. after watching tonight's NCAA action further jeopardize my pool-winning hopes. The road I took from my office in Delaware is a winding two-lane that passes through what used to be some idyllic country and is now McMansion developments and strip malls, and can be frustrating, as passing zones are few and far between. Many's the time I've arrived stressed and angry, in search of a first Friday's scotch, and with the light drizzle tonight, my drive started off as another of those, at least for a while. In the interest of avoiding potential legal repercussions, I did not perform any of the actions listed here; I merely offer advice to my fellow two-lane travelers.

Few things can be more frustrating than being stuck behind an Amish horse and buggy. I respect their right to practice their religion, but their proverbial right to swing their fists ends when they hit my proverbial nose, and there's just no place for the horse and buggy on the modern road. (I speak in parable in case someone prints this post out and shows it to them, and the printout doesn't cause their eyes to spontaneously burst into flames.) Fortunately, I've found a simple enough way to encourage them to remove themselves from in front of you. Simply place the most explicit rap CD you can find in your car stereo, roll down the windows, and turn the volume up to the point where every filthy dirty curse word is plainly audible, but before the bass distorts and drowns out said lyrics. DMX is good, but he has a tendency to use a word that probably doesn't upset the Amish very much, owing to their lack of melanin. Even better is Eminem--he compensates for his inability to use the dreaded "N-word" by tossing out extra helpings of F-bombs.

Almost as annoying is the old folks in a jalopy who insist on driving at least ten miles per hour below the posted speed limit. (Folks, if either you or your car can't go the limit, then at least one of you doesn't belong on that stretch of road.) You might think it's a good idea to helpfully flash your lights at them to let them know you're back there and need to get by before riding up on their tailgate. However, this might cause the old man driving to wake his dozing wife in the passenger seat and say something along the lines of "Get 'im, Flossie!" This, in turn, may cause her to take her camera, point it at your car through their back windshield, and snap off pictures so that the flash makes you back off in terror. Should you be faced with this life-and-death situation, begin by making a Vulcan "V" with your four fingers (your index and middle fingers will suffice if you can't do it with all four), then flick your tongue in and out rapidly in the middle. Should this not sufficiently diminish her aggression, make a fist, press your thumb and index finger to the right side of your lips, bulge out your left cheek with your tongue, and move the fist to and fro. Finally, should this fail to adequately motivate, make a "thumbs-up" sign, rotate it ninety degrees, and drag the thumb across your throat from left to right while laughing hysterically. Bonus points if you actually draw blood with your thumbnail. This will cause them to turn into the first available Wawa bathroom to change their now-soiled-with-terror Depends.

Follow these tips and you too can navigate a two-lane road to your destination with sanity intact. Not that I've tried them myself, mind you.

Cavemen

Geico's cavemen to get ABC sitcom pilot

This news doesn't make me sick so much as sad. I'm not a card-carrying member of the PTC, so I'm not going to use my soapbox to call for a boycott, or an advertiser protest, or complaints to the FCC. I certainly wouldn't dream of watching this infomercial-with-commercial-breaks (the only infomercials I watch are the ones with Ron Popeil). But in a free economy, we get the shows we deserve, and the ones we deserve are whatever people are willing to watch so that the networks can sell commercials. This show is looking more and more likely with every news report and blog post (yes, I'm guilty too) that gives it free publicity before it even comes out, and while I can hope and pray that it dies a swift ratings death, I'm reminded of this old chestnut. We get what we ask for; we get what we deserve...and the next time you're bemoaning the cancellation of an intelligent, original TV show that you love, thank all the knuckledraggers who think shows about advertising pitchmen are entertainment. If I want to see cavemen, I'll set my Tivo to search Boomerang for this guy:

Rats Food Nation

I'm a little disappointed by all of the media hype surrounding the film of rats running all over a New York City KFC restaurant. It feels like there are similar stories released a couple of times a year, if not more frequently. It's just a fact: New York City has rats, and the critters love nothing more than infesting restaurants--after all, there's no more abundant food source. Should the restaurant be closed down? Absolutely. Should the inspector who failed to do so after the rats' droppings were first found be suspended? Definitely--she'll be lucky if she's not fired outright. But stuff like this happens so often, it's really not even newsworthy (although the video in this case makes for good YouTube watching). I've seen some things that are just as bad, if not worse right here in Delaware.

My first personal horror story is also KFC-based--to be specific, the KFC/Taco Bell on Naaman's Road in Claymont. I stopped there with my then-girlfriend to grab a bite one evening. I ordered an extra-crispy combo, sat down, took a bite of my breast piece, and noticed they'd given me regular instead. I took the my plate back and asked the nice hippo lady to correct my order, which she did--then took my original chicken and put it back on the shelf with a nice big bite out of the breast. I did finish my meal, but have not returned to that KFC since.

Even worse than that, though, was my experience in the Subway on Main Street in Newark. I used to patronize this crap shack fine establishment frequently--they're walking distance from my office, and they used to offer their "every 9th sandwich is free" card. That changed on the hot summer day when I went in to find their doors propped open, the lids off all of the ingredients (including the ones the so-called "sandwich artists" weren't using)....and flies crawling all over the meats, cheeses, and "fresh" veggies. This time, I didn't bother staying to eat the food--I beat feet back to my car and went to a local sandwich chain instead. (They deserve a plug--Capriotti's makes the best damn sandwiches in Newark. They're all over the DE-PA-NJ tri-state area, and are starting to expand out west as well.)

In both cases, I went to the trouble of finding the 800 numbers to contact the corporate parents with complaints, and in both cases I got the runaround. I'm sure there are a million other stories like this out there that haven't made the news--maybe we all need to start taking YouTube videos everywhere we go to eat.

Ch-ch-changes

You've probably noticed that I've been rearranging and changing the layout of this here blog, especially all of my sidebar content. Well, I've bought into Google's hype, and I've upgraded this site to the new version of the Blogger.com software. This means it's easier for me to make changes, and easier for me to add new content and features (now with 60% more Red Sox bashing!) Thanks for bearing with me as I sort all of this new functionality out.

The Beast's Cookbook: Mustard Garlic Flounder

I realize it's been a while since I did a cooking post, so here's a simple recipe I tried out last night. I adapted it from one that called for dijon mustard and capers, but I think my version came out just fine. This goes great with any vegetable; I paired it with some steamed zucchini.



2 to 4 flounder fillets, about 1/4 pound each
1 tablespoon butter, melted
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup spicy brown mustard (such as Mr. Mustard)
2 tablespoons garlic

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Melt the butter in a baking dish. Combine mayonnaise, mustard, and garlic into a sauce. Place flounder in the baking dish; spoon sauce evenly over both fillets. Bake for 15 minutes or until flounder is flaky.

2006 NFL Prognostication Review

Time for me to get some cheap content by reviewing an old post--back in September, I made some predictions for the 2006 NFL season. Now that the Super Bowl is over and done with, let's go back and see how I did:

AFC East - I got the Patriots right, but didn't predict how well Mangini would do with the Jets or how poorly Culpepper would do with the 'Fins. I underestimated the young Bills, too, but I still think their QB situation is somewhat shaky.

AFC North - I was wrong about Steve McNair's Baltimore redemption, and Cincinatti and Pittsburgh both underperfomed this season. At least I got Cleveland right.

AFC South - I got 3 out of 4 right here--the Colts, Jaguars, and Texans. Who saw Vince Young having a breakout rookie season to put the Titans on the verge of playoff contention? Not me, that's for sure.

AFC West - I'm way off here, as the rest of the Chargers protected their third-year rookie quarterback on their way to the best record in the conference, Jake Plummer proves he is, in fact, Jake Mistake in Denver, and the Chiefs back into the last wild card berth. Thank God for the Raiders--pick them for last place and you're guaranteed to get one right.

NFC East - The Giants consistently underperformed for the second half of the season, the Eagles won with Jeff Garcia at QB, and Tony Romo got the Cowboys into a wild card berth. Much like the Cowboys, the Redskins give me one team correct for this division.

NFC North - I got the Bears right (but their record very wrong), and I successfully predicted the mediocrity of the rest of the division. Only the Packers did better than I expected.

NFC South - I missed the Saints' rise, but who didn't? Steve Smith and DeShaun Foster didn't stay healthy the whole season, and the Panthers fell short of expectations, and the Falcons did do pretty much what they did in 2005. I completely whiffed on the Bucs, though.

NFC West - I put Seattle correctly in the top slot, but missed on the other three--the 49ers and Rams did better than I predicted, while the Cardinals did worse. When will I learn?

Wild cards - 1 out of 4 ain't bad. Wait, it is. And the one I got right was the Cowboys. Yuck.

Super Bowl - Neither of my predicted teams even made the playoffs. I suck again.