Pujols' Progress

Cardinals star Albert Pujols is headed to the DL with a wrist fracture. It's going to cost him his well-deserved annual trip to the All-Star Game....and it's going to cost him a good deal more than that. See, Albert is in his walk year, hitting the free agent market after this season wraps up, and you just know that he's hoping for a big-time contract, but it's just not going to happen. He's going to be 32 years old next season, and this is the second major injury of his career (he had elbow surgery in 2008). That's going to make teams reluctant to lock him up long-term (usually one of the conditions of a blockbuster contract). What's more, none of the big-market teams will be looking for a first baseman--Boston, the Yankees, and Philadelphia are all set with Adrian Gonzalez, Mark Teixiera, and Ryan Howard, respectively, and two of the next three biggest markets (the Dodgers and Mets) are in such dire financial straits that there's no way they'll be able to offer him a blockbuster deal. That leaves the Cubs as the only "big-market" team in the running, and without a bidding war, there's no way Pujols gets an Alex Rodriguez/Mark Teixiera/Ryan Howard-level contract, no matter how much he deserves it.

I Hate To Say It, But...

I told you so.
I fucking told you so.
Didn't I tell you?

Wait...I don't hate to say it at all. This actually feels pretty good.

Congressman Anthony('s) Weiner

So, Congressman Weiner, you can't say "with certitude" that the picture that "someone" sent to a young lady via Twitter wasn't of "Little Anthony". Sounds like an excuse to me. If something like this ever happened to me, I'd be covered and issuing a much stronger denial than that. You know why? Because I NEVER TOOK A PICTURE OF MY DICK BULGING THROUGH MY UNDERWEAR. The fact that he can't say for sure that the picture isn't him means that SOMEWHERE OUT THERE IS A PICTURE THAT IS OF HIM THAT LOOKS ENOUGH LIKE THIS THAT HE CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE. I can't believe I'm the only one who's putting this together, but I just haven't seen it anywhere in the news coverage.

The Trouble With Open Sores Source

Caution: technical geek-speak ahead

I have three production MySQL servers on our farm here at work, scheduled to dump their contents nightly to a backup server (which in turn gets written to a tape and taken offsite in case of catastrophe). But as it turns out, only two of the three were actually writing their backups, probably because I was using an outdated version of the administrator tools. No problem, I thought, I'll just upgrade to the newer MySQL Workbench and set up the backups from there. Having no experience with the Workbench platform, my first step was to check the internet's manual (a.k.a. Google) for some instructions, where I came up with this piece of helpful advice:

[Workbench] does not have the "Schedule" feature [for backups]. We are hoping for a community plugin to do that.

Translation: We didn't put this critical feature into our product; we're hoping our customers do that for us. That's some fine way to run a business. I can just imagine the cacophonous shriek from the *nix community if Microsoft did something like that. Why is one of the larger corporations in the open-source market (MySQL is owned by Oracle) immune from similar criticism?

Pwny

About two weeks ago, I got an "Important Customer Notification" e-mail from Sony's Online Entertainment division. At first, I dismissed it as spam, but as my mouse pointer headed for the delete button, I read the preview, and discovered that it was, in fact, a legitimate e-mail. Its purpose was to inform me that my account was one of the ones potentially accessed by the black hats in the recent highly publicized breach of Sony's systems.

At first, I couldn't remember why or how Sony would have any information of mine to give away. I don't own a PlayStation (at least not one with network connectivity; I do have an original PSX gathering dust in a box in my house somewhere), so how could my data be on Sony's servers?...Wait a minute. Back in the day, my gaming group was part of the beta test for Planetside, sometime around 2002 or so. (The game came out in retail form in 2003; I opted out at that point.) And then I thought even further back, and remembered my brief experimentation in my early 20s--not with chemicals or sexuality, but a brief three-month dip into Everquest.

At that point, I relaxed considerably. The information Sony had on me was completely obsolete--since that time, my home address, phone number, and any credit card data they may still have on file are completely changed and obsolete. But the bigger question here is why did they still have this information? How much money are they spending to warehouse out-of-date customer data that's doing them virtually no good? And how much business are they going to lose in the future when a customer like me, when deciding between a Sony and a competing product, remembers that moment of panic when they get the notification that Sony might have put my personal information at risk? To be sure, Sony should be getting all of the criticism they're receiving about their security practices. But their data retention policies appear to be getting overlooked here, and we all know what happens to people who don't learn from history.

2011 MLB Season Predictions

Just about 24 hours until maybe my favorite day of the year, MLB's Opening Day. So without further adieu, here's my exclusive look at the upcoming season, division by division, for everyone to laud my prophetic gift of foresight or (more likely) ridicule my inane fantasies in November, after the season is over.

AL East: There's no question that the hated Red Sox made the biggest splash in the division with their offseason acquisitions. They're the team to beat, provided they can stay healthy and Beckett and Lackey pitch well enough to solidify the rotation. My beloved Yankees will run neck and neck with them all season, though, again, provided that the back end of their rotation congeals, and Curtis Granderson and A-Rod deliver the redeeming seasons that their spring training performances have promised. The Blue Jays will finish in third, with their mix of power and solid pitching. The decimated Rays' bullpen will push them down to fourth. And the Orioles will completely suck whenever Jeremy Guthrie isn't pitching, which will include every game after the trade deadline.

AL Central: A two-team race between the Twins and the Tigers. I'm calling it for Minnesota based on the belief that Mauer, Morneau, and Joe Nathan are primed for a comeback from varying degrees of injury, with Detroit a close second. Chicago is a solid third place, with the Royals and Indians battling it out for last place. I'm picking KC to finish in fourth with a post-deadline run after the Indians trade away Fausto Carmona.

AL West: It's almost impossible to predict the reigning league champion, Texas, as anything less than the division champ. True, they lost Cliff Lee, but they were doing just fine without him in the first part of last year. Oakland's young arms will propel them to a very close second place, and put them into contention for the wild card--they're just a bat or two away from overtaking Texas outright. Seattle finishes third, provided they don't trade away King Felix at the deadline, and Anaheim finishes last, albeit with the best record of any last-place team.

NL East: This is the Phillies' division to lose. Their rotation is so good that it doesn't matter (much) how injury question marks like Lidge and Utley recover. The Braves are much improved, and will keep it close, but the rotation at C.B. Park is just too good this year. The Marlins will take third in front of 2,000 fans per game, the Nats will finish 4th, flirting with .500, and the Mets will finish dead last, assuming they haven't been dissolved by a bankruptcy court during the season.

NL Central: I like the Reds to take the division again this year. The Cardinals' rotation suffers from the injury to Wainwright, the Brewers' rotation is a mess (Sergio Mitre is the answer? Really?), the Cubs' whole roster is a mess, the Astros are rebuilding, and the Pirates are continuing to serve as a farm system for the rest of the league.

NL West: The Giants can pretty much walk their way to the title here. Colorado comes on to take second and contends for the wild card. San Diego falls to third without Adrian Gonzalez, even if Heath Bell gets his contract extension. Rookie managers Don Mattingly and Kirk Gibson battle it out for last place with rebuilding teams. L.A. is a bit more rebuilt than Arizona, so Donnie Baseball manages to salvage 4th place.

Playoff Picture:
AL Wild Card: Yankees
NL Wild Card: Braves

ALDS: Red Sox over Twins, Rangers over Yankees
NLDS: Phillies over Reds, Giants over Braves
ALCS: Red Sox over Rangers
NLCS: Phillies over Giants
World Series: Boston's new bats just aren't quite enough to overcome the Phillies' playoff rotation, featuring Cole Hamels and Joe Blanton out of the bullpen--Phillies over Red Sox, 4 games to 2.

1 > 2

Self-important much? Check out this quote from Wisconsin state senator Lena Taylor (a Democrat, though she's not identified as such in the MSNBC article):

"If the senators have decided to hold someone in contempt, I would think they would hold themselves and our governor, I wish we could, in contempt for failing to listen to a half million people who have come to Madison."

So let me get this straight, Senator. You want the government to listen to half a million demonstrators...and ignore the 1,128,159 voters who elected Scott Walker governor? That sure doesn't sound like the principles of democracy and majority rule to me.

It's A Mad House!

Humankind is doomed. Check out this video:



Not only is that gorilla walking on his hind legs, he's carrying something in his hand--something that could be the first step toward apes using tools.

Somebody, anybody, double up the security on the Statue of Liberty--quick!

New Blogroll Link: Self-Petting Zoo

Self-Petting Zoo: Animals, um, taking care of business. By themselves. In the unlikely event that the nutjobs over at the Westboro Baptist Church are right, and God really does "hate fags", then I'm REALLY scared to see what He thinks about anyone who looks at this site. (Hat tip to Bill Schulz of Fox News's Red Eye.)

Mixed Messages

I haven't personally seen these two commercials back to back here in the Philadelphia TV market, but I'm sure if it hasn't happened already, it's just a matter of time.

Witness first, a State Farm insurance commercial, wherein our intrepid heroes use State Farm to turn a broken pane of glass into a hot tub in their living room:

Now check out this one, telling you NOT to use State Farm to turn your old Magnetbox tube set into a 46" plasma:

Although the second commercial isn't directly produced by the insurance companies themselves, it sure seems like the industry is talking out both sides of their mouth on this one.

New Blogroll Link: This Is Why You're Huge

I love me some food porn. As a fan of the popular site "This Is Why You're Fat", I've been disappointed the last couple of months by the lack of updates, and as of this writing, the writers of the site appear to called it quits altogether. That's why I'm pleased to have found its successor-in-waiting, "This Is Why You're Huge". From the delicious to the excessive to the just-plain-bizarre, this site provides the appetite stimulation that dangerously underweight individuals such as myself need on a daily basis. I'm pleased to make it the newest recommended read on my blogroll.

Maher-on

Apologies in advance for the long video, but watch the 30 seconds or so beginning at about 3:05.



Correct me if I'm wrong, but did I just hear Bill Maher call the Second Amendment "bullshit" and the exercise of one of our most basic freedoms "a vice"? Hey Bill, the Constitution is not an a la carte menu that you get to pick and choose from. I wonder how you'd react if I said the 4th Amendment was "bullshit" and endangered innocents by hampering police investigations. You'd probably call me a hypocritical windbag--which is pretty much the same way I'm reacting to what you said.