Beast's World

Crisitunity

2011-12-22T10:30:00.000-05:00

I'll let Homer and Lisa explain the term: <p>&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br&amp;gt;

Missing The Point

2011-10-26T12:40:00.002-04:00

CNN, via Entertainment Weekly, has a story up today detailing TorrentFreak.net's list of the all-time top 10 most pirated movies, to contrast with Netflix's list of the all-time top 10 most rented movies through their service. There's not a whole lot that they can really do with this story, but the author gamely tries to pad it out by using the lists to draw a conclusion about Americans' movie

Hell Just Froze Over

2011-09-29T13:05:00.000-04:00

Because I'm sticking up for a reality show. A reality show I've never seen, and yet, whether rationally or irrationally, I despise. And in doing so, I'm going against one of my absolute favorite politicians, Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey. You see, earlier this week, Gov. Christie blocked Jersey Shore from receiving a small (just under half a million dollars) tax credit that's designed to

A Salt and "Bathery"

2011-09-28T12:52:00.000-04:00

This is why I hate my local paper. It would be one thing if this story were an isolated incident, but it's sadly typical agenda-driven pablum: Story on "bath salts" used to get high Reading this story and its sympathetic tone, you would think that someone had kidnapped these "users" and gotten them high and addicted against their will. That would be a reason to pity them. They didn't even

The Beast's Cookbook: Chicken with Cashews, Peppers, and Broccoli

2011-09-23T15:08:00.001-04:00

Haven't done one of these in a while, but here's the recipe for an easy stir-fry that's become a Saturday night post-Scotch favorite. Of course the kernel of the recipe came from some website (I've forgotten which), but I've added enough unique touches that I'm comfortable claiming this as my own. This serves enough for the whole family, or for a big eater like me to eat the leftovers for the

Netflix Everyone The Bird

2011-07-13T15:15:00.001-04:00

Netflix forces subscribers to buy separate DVD, stream subscriptionsActually, despite my clever headline, I don't think Netflix had much of a choice here. Rather, they've pretty much been forced into it due to the maneuverings of the movie industry, who doesn't understand that streaming video is here to stay, is superior to physical media (my Roku box streams most Netflix titles in 1080p

Pujols' Progress

2011-06-21T12:43:00.000-04:00

Cardinals star Albert Pujols is headed to the DL with a wrist fracture. It's going to cost him his well-deserved annual trip to the All-Star Game....and it's going to cost him a good deal more than that. See, Albert is in his walk year, hitting the free agent market after this season wraps up, and you just know that he's hoping for a big-time contract, but it's just not going to happen. He's

I Hate To Say It, But...

2011-06-09T12:41:00.000-04:00

I told you so.I fucking told you so.Didn't I tell you?Wait...I don't hate to say it at all. This actually feels pretty good.

Congressman Anthony('s) Weiner

2011-06-02T16:38:00.000-04:00

So, Congressman Weiner, you can't say "with certitude" that the picture that "someone" sent to a young lady via Twitter wasn't of "Little Anthony". Sounds like an excuse to me. If something like this ever happened to me, I'd be covered and issuing a much stronger denial than that. You know why? Because I NEVER TOOK A PICTURE OF MY DICK BULGING THROUGH MY UNDERWEAR. The fact that he can't say

The Trouble With Open Sores Source

2011-05-26T14:35:00.001-04:00

Caution: technical geek-speak aheadI have three production MySQL servers on our farm here at work, scheduled to dump their contents nightly to a backup server (which in turn gets written to a tape and taken offsite in case of catastrophe). But as it turns out, only two of the three were actually writing their backups, probably because I was using an outdated version of the administrator tools.

Pwny

2011-05-18T11:39:00.000-04:00

About two weeks ago, I got an "Important Customer Notification" e-mail from Sony's Online Entertainment division. At first, I dismissed it as spam, but as my mouse pointer headed for the delete button, I read the preview, and discovered that it was, in fact, a legitimate e-mail. Its purpose was to inform me that my account was one of the ones potentially accessed by the black hats in the recent

2011 MLB Season Predictions

2011-03-30T15:42:00.000-04:00

Just about 24 hours until maybe my favorite day of the year, MLB's Opening Day. So without further adieu, here's my exclusive look at the upcoming season, division by division, for everyone to laud my prophetic gift of foresight or (more likely) ridicule my inane fantasies in November, after the season is over.AL East: There's no question that the hated Red Sox made the biggest splash in the

1 > 2

2011-03-04T10:35:00.004-05:00

Self-important much? Check out this quote from Wisconsin state senator Lena Taylor (a Democrat, though she's not identified as such in the MSNBC article): "If the senators have decided to hold someone in contempt, I would think they would hold themselves and our governor, I wish we could, in contempt for failing to listen to a half million people who have come to Madison."So let me get this

It's A Mad House!

2011-01-31T13:38:00.000-05:00

Humankind is doomed. Check out this video:Not only is that gorilla walking on his hind legs, he's carrying something in his hand--something that could be the first step toward apes using tools.Somebody, anybody, double up the security on the Statue of Liberty--quick!

New Blogroll Link: Self-Petting Zoo

2011-01-26T12:22:00.001-05:00

Self-Petting Zoo: Animals, um, taking care of business. By themselves. In the unlikely event that the nutjobs over at the Westboro Baptist Church are right, and God really does "hate fags", then I'm REALLY scared to see what He thinks about anyone who looks at this site. (Hat tip to Bill Schulz of Fox News's Red Eye.)

Mixed Messages

2011-01-25T11:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't personally seen these two commercials back to back here in the Philadelphia TV market, but I'm sure if it hasn't happened already, it's just a matter of time.Witness first, a State Farm insurance commercial, wherein our intrepid heroes use State Farm to turn a broken pane of glass into a hot tub in their living room:Now check out this one, telling you NOT to use State Farm to turn your

New Blogroll Link: This Is Why You're Huge

2011-01-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

I love me some food porn. As a fan of the popular site "This Is Why You're Fat", I've been disappointed the last couple of months by the lack of updates, and as of this writing, the writers of the site appear to called it quits altogether. That's why I'm pleased to have found its successor-in-waiting, "This Is Why You're Huge". From the delicious to the excessive to the just-plain-bizarre,

Maher-on

2011-01-19T12:51:00.000-05:00

Apologies in advance for the long video, but watch the 30 seconds or so beginning at about 3:05.Correct me if I'm wrong, but did I just hear Bill Maher call the Second Amendment "bullshit" and the exercise of one of our most basic freedoms "a vice"? Hey Bill, the Constitution is not an a la carte menu that you get to pick and choose from. I wonder how you'd react if I said the 4th Amendment was

Christmas Greetings

2010-12-24T00:00:00.002-05:00

Wishing all my readers a Merry Christmas and many sandwiches.

Put To Sleep

2010-12-10T14:01:00.000-05:00

FX Cancels TerriersMy curse strikes again--it seems like every time I really like a show, it gets canceled, with very few exceptions. This was one of the truly unique shows on TV--half comedy, half hard-boiled P.I. noir drama. It got off to a slow start, but in hindsight, that was extremely deliberate; many seemingly innocuous events in the early episodes turn out to be crucial as the season

Truck You

2010-11-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I wrote about flying during the Thanksgiving holiday. Today I have another pet peeve that relates to driving. Look what I get to deal with after work tonight, on the "busiest travel day of the year":Truck crash closes I-95I realize that the accident hasn't been thoroughly investigated yet, but really, who else is going to be at fault in a single-vehicle accident? And this is the

Standing Pat

2010-11-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow's the unofficial "getaway day" for Thanksgiving weekend, and I'm glad as hell that I don't have to fly anywhere. If I did, I'd probably get arrested for kicking the living crap out of one of the snarky little douchebags taking part in the "don't look at my pathetic little genitals" protest that's supposedly going to happen tomorrow. What's the matter, you crybabies--that the TSA is

Don't Tase Me Bro

2010-11-05T14:17:00.000-04:00

Delaware police: Death renews outcry against use of TaserAttention all felons, miscreants, and members of oppressed minority groups: here's a foolproof method to not get killed by a taser:OBEY ALL INSTRUCTIONS FROM POLICE OFFICERS.Simple. Police do a dangerous job, where they're never sure who's going to be the lunatic who pulls a gun, knife, broken bottle, sharpened toothbrush, or whatever, and

Why Bother?

2010-10-20T12:18:00.000-04:00

From Taco Bell's own website comes the description of their new XXL Chalupa:An XXL-sized crispy Chalupa shell packed with seasoned ground beef, crispy lettuce, fiesta salsa, a blend of three cheeses–cheddar, pepper jack and mozzarella–and nacho cheese sauce, red strips and topped with reduced-fat sour cream.The emphasis, of course, is all mine. This bad boy tops out at 650 calories and 39

Now We Know Why He Wears #4

2010-10-13T16:52:00.001-04:00

I really hope our lawmakers are watching the NFL and Commissioner Goodell very closely right now, because there's a lesson to be learned here on how a good law or policy can go bad if it's pushed too far. Or in this case, too Favre.The NFL's personal conduct policy was born out of the best intentions. At the time it was conceived, the league and its players had a real image problem. Tank

Delaware Gets Teabagged

2010-09-20T11:55:00.000-04:00

Great job, Delaware Republicans. Way to throw away a sure U.S. Senate seat pickup in favor of a lost cause. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. Look, I don't agree with Castle's voting record 100% either (most notably his support for cap-and-trade, but that's a topic for another time). We could have sent a moderate Republican who can work with the Democrats in Congress and

Mosque Pit

2010-08-27T15:27:00.000-04:00

Remember that episode of The Simpsons where they go to the carnival, and Homer has them deep-fry his shirt? Remember this exchange between Homer and Marge?Homer: And you said they couldn't deep-fry my shirt! Marge: I didn't say they couldn't, I said you shouldn't.That's pretty much how it is with the "Ground Zero Mosque". Yes, it's not technically on the site of the former World Trade Center,

His Toughest Case Yet

2010-07-30T12:59:00.001-04:00

Matlock has taken on a new client--one that he might not be able to get off the hook with a dramatic cross-examination and a piece of last-minute surprise evidence. Andy Griffith is teaming up with Medicare to extol the virtues of ObamaCare to senior citizens (who tend to vote in the highest numbers).I have no idea if ol' Andy got paid, or if he volunteered out of the goodness of his heart, but

Weekend Without Common Sense

2010-07-29T15:47:00.001-04:00

Let's have a "Weekend Without Oil"....because oil companies are evil, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!Go check out the site and all of its pomposity, specifically, its first two points. Better yet, I'll list them right here.1. Walk or ride your bike: Avoid using cars and if you must, always try to carpool. Transportation accounts for 40 percent of our petroleum consumption and is easily one of the biggest

I Know What They're Really Saying

2010-07-29T15:20:00.001-04:00

Probably because one would need divine power in order to "perform" for these oinkers.H/T to the San Francisco Weekly blogs and Nick Lucchesi on Twitter.

If You're Reading This...

2010-07-14T10:37:00.000-04:00

...then Homer Simpson has something to tell you.No, seriously. They did a study and everything. Of course, that's only true of other, lesser blogs. Reading this one makes you 100% more masculine and heterosexual. Kind of like the Old Spice Guy. Although watching that commercial might make you gay too. I'm not sure. I'll let you know after I watch it a few more times.

New Blogroll Link: The Oily Pelican

2010-06-30T13:14:00.000-04:00

I've got a new site in my blogroll section, and it's one that I'm reading daily: The Oily Pelican. It's written by a friend of mine who, in her own words, "decided to trade in her cushy desk job for chest waders, snake boots, and 90-degree heat to go help with the environmental effort on the Louisiana coast." It's a firsthand account, not filtered through some PR department or condensed into

Craig Kilborn Must Die

2010-06-29T15:12:00.000-04:00

Or his new show must be canceled. I'm not a picky man.No, I've never seen it. But here in the greater Philly area, the local Fox affiliate has removed their last syndicated Simpsons slot in favor of this dreck that appears to be, based on the commercials, the gawdawful TMZ-on-TV meets the admittedly-funny early Daily Show. The nightly Simpsons rerun is what I'd relied on to watch/listen to as

Vu-Vu-Zao

2010-06-18T11:34:00.000-04:00

In the same vein as yesterday's post, here's yet another reason why I'm a lifelong Yankee fan. They know enough to nip this vuvuzela nonsense in the bud. What an idiot this guy is, too. "Duh, OK, I'll give up my twenty dollar seat so that I can hold onto a $2 piece of plastic that's been down the front of my pants. Not so much because I like blowing a horn as much as because the mouthpiece

Vu-Vu-Ka-Choo

2010-06-17T13:31:00.000-04:00

I've been watching a little bit of World Cup this year, despite the fact that the extent of my knowledge of the sport is what I can remember from playing on my elementary school club teams from the ages of 8 through 12. It really is interesting to watch....like hockey without the sticks, played on a field the size of a small U.S. state. And even though I found the vuvuzelas somewhat....

Kicking Kissing Ass

2010-06-09T16:11:00.000-04:00

One week, the political talking heads and polls are saying that Obama isn't showing enough emotion, and specifically anger, in dealing with the BP situation. Meanwhile, the headlines are all about the allegations that the White House offered PA Democrat Senate nominee Joe Sestak a cushy White House job in order to stay out of the primary against ex-Republican Arlen Specter.Then, yesterday

A Sad Day For Baseball

2010-06-03T15:39:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not talking about Jim Joyce, although I do think he should be given a prostate exam with a cactus. I'm talking about The Kid, Ken Griffey Jr., and his retirement. It truly is the end of an era, and not just for the Mariners and Reds. (Not just for the White Sox era, though for them, the Ken Griffey Jr. era lasted for about two months back in 2008, so I think they're over it by now.)

The Iran With The Plan

2010-04-28T16:07:00.000-04:00

They must have one helluva think tank over there in Iran. They've come up with a way to prevent both earthquakes and melanoma....all at the same time! I don't know how we manage to avoid an all-out war with a government as reactionary and backwards-thinking as this. How are we even supposed to relate to this? We have iPads and astronauts; they blame seismic events on the giant man in the sky

Wii-bles Wobble And Sometimes Fall Down

2010-04-15T15:06:00.000-04:00

The headline on the front page of FoxNews.com reads: "Woman's Persistent Genital Arousal Blamed on Wii Fit". But open the article, and you'll get a completely different story. But you've got to hand it to them. Sex sells, and so do cool tech toys. Sexy tech? As Jim Breuer would say, "Jackpot!" See, this woman's problems weren't caused by some weird exercise or yoga pose that the Wii Fit

Slow and Steady Wins The Race Gets You Yelled At

2010-04-09T10:11:00.000-04:00

The 2010 baseball season is five days old, and already my beloved Yankees are the source of controversy. Seems the crew chief of their opening series against the hated Red Sox, Cowboy Joe West, wasn't happy with the pace of Tuesday night's game.Well, excu-u-u-u-u-se us, fatbody. The game takes time because the teams take their time. This is only one of the most important series all year for

Health (S)Care

2010-03-23T13:22:00.000-04:00

Well, by the time this update gets posted, Barry O. will have signed the infamous health care bill into law. Get ready for all sorts of fun shenanigans. Like the requirement that everyone except the very, very poor--including lots of people living paycheck to paycheck--buy health insurance that's going to become increasingly expensive. "But Beast," you say, "they already make you buy car

Beggars Can't Be Want To Be Choosers

2010-03-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

Tastes so good, food banks ask for it by name!Talk about publicity that's going to backfire. Imagine that you donate food, out of the goodness of your heart, to help those who are down on their luck or outright homeless...and they come back to you with a response worthy of John Kerry looking at a bowl of Chef Boyardee. Are you going to keep donating to these people? I sure won't. The arrogant

More Over The Top Than Over The Top

2010-03-01T12:52:00.000-05:00

I had a chance to watch Oliver Stone's magnum opus "biopic" W over the weekend, and all I can say is "wow". (And not in a good way.) I wasn't expecting Stone to give former (current, at the time of the movie's release) President Bush the Fox News treatment, or even fair and balanced treatment, especially in view of how he handled the subject of Richard Nixon in 1995 (suggesting, among other

Love Me Some Love Handles

2010-02-24T11:31:00.000-05:00

Apparently, not only does being grossly overweight not only enable you to stop a nuclear meltdown in progress, but it also makes you bulletproof as well. I particularly love the article's ending quote from the shooting victim: "I want to be as big as I can if it's going to stop a bullet."This woman misses the point on two levels: first, unless she lives in the ghetto-y-est ghetto in Florida,

How To Watch The Vancouver Olympics

2010-02-16T16:05:00.004-05:00

Unlike the glorified track meet that comes around every four summers, I'm actually watching a fair amount of the Vancouver Olympics. Of course, with multiple channels devoted to coverage and lots of simultaneous events, I've had to create a system to prioritize my viewing. Here's my keys to winter Olympic viewing nirvana.I'll watch my top-tier sports (hockey, curling) over my middle-tier sports

We're Doomed

2010-01-13T13:21:00.000-05:00

Audiences depressed that Avatar isn't realThat's it, people, it's all over. I officially resign from the human race. I'm not sure which species I'm going to apply to for asylum yet, but I'm leaning toward "cat". I just have to increase my flexibility enough to be able to lick my own junk. Just to put it into perspective, as I write this, the headline for this story is sharing space with the

Paying It Forward

2010-01-11T13:14:00.000-05:00

Obama administration considering charging banks fees to recoup bailout fundsApparently, whoever came up with this scheme doesn't understand how corporations work. They answer to their stockholders first, last, and always, and what's good for the stockholders is not to cheerfully pay these fees and leave everything else equal, taking the hit as a decrease in their bottom line. No, these types of

Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright

2009-12-11T10:30:00.000-05:00

A few random thoughts on the Tiger Woods situation, since it seems to have been the only story in the news since Thanksgiving:The blitz on this story can be explained with a single word: voyeurism. Stories just like this show up every day on websites like TMZ and WWTDD and don't get nearly the attention of this one. This is an excuse for "legitimate" sources like ESPN and CNN to delve into

BCS

2009-12-09T14:20:00.001-05:00

The economy's still in a recession, unemployment is still at 10%, there's still no health care reform, and we still haven't won in Iraq or Afghanistan. But don't worry, the House is spending their time and your money telling the NCAA how to run their postseason.Think the current BCS system is bullshit and a playoff would be better? Then don't freaking watch. Don't watch the games, don't buy

Silencing "The Voice of God"

2009-12-01T10:38:00.000-05:00

Somehow, in all the media coverage surrounding Tiger Woods this weekend, this story seems to have been mostly ignored: Bob Sheppard has announced his retirement as the voice of the Yankees. Hardly a surprise--the man is 99 years old, after all--but he'll be missed. The man is a class act and a huge part of Yankee tradition--there's a reason why Derek Jeter uses a recording of Sheppard's voice

Good Riddance

2009-11-11T10:02:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to Virginia for putting down the animal known as the D.C. Sniper, and only six years after his conviction. That's not sarcasm--these days, that's a pretty efficient timeline for death penalty states that aren't Texas. Kudos to outgoing governor Tim Kaine for deciding he might like to run for elective office again someday, and declining the clemency petition. And although it's a

Nothing Ventured Learned, Nothing Gained

2009-11-06T12:57:00.000-05:00

Apparently, some elements of the extreme left didn't learn anything from Tuesday's gubernatorial elections. Just as the moderate-to-right element in this nation starts to reclaim some of the ground lost in 2008, the pinkos over at MoveOn.org are threatening to use their war chest to fund primary opponents for moderate Dems who don't vote for Premier Speaker Pelosi's health care bill tomorrow.

27

2009-11-05T10:27:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to my New York Yankees on their professional sports record 27th World Series championship! It's nice to walk around today basking in their reflected glory, getting congratulations from friends and coworkers for doing absolutely nothing. But along with the congratulations come the inevitable whines of "Duhr, you guys bought a championship with mercenary players, duhr." Really,

Separated at birth?

2009-10-09T11:45:00.005-04:00

Yeah, I said it. Tony Romo is dogshit. He has been for years. Like the aforementioned turd, turn up the heat, and he turns pale and starts to crumble. Like a nugget on the lawn, just apply a little pressure, and he falls all to pieces. From the fumbled point-after snap against Seattle in the '06 playoffs to just last weekend when he made Kyle Freakin' Orton look like Johnny Freakin' Unitas,

Why I'm A Yankees Fan

2009-09-24T14:11:00.001-04:00

Because if I were a Red Sox fan, I'd have something in common with this load.Seriously--they actually took court time to let a convicted criminal out of jail to go to a baseball game? He violated a restraining order--that implies a history of violence. (Based on the picture, it is possible that said order was taken out by the local bakery, however.) Thank God I don't live in Iowa; if my tax

Gone Green

2009-09-21T15:51:00.002-04:00

I never thought I'd join the "stop global warming at any cost" movement. But it looks like hell just froze over. Or at least the version of hell presided over by the Hop Devil. Of course, we could just start pushing the world's hops production north. There's plenty of unused space up there in the northern parts of Canada, Greenland, and Russia that could host enough hops farms to supply our

Hubby Chaser

2009-09-03T11:56:00.000-04:00

Those wacky hippies at Ben and Jerry's are at it again--they've renamed their "Chubby Hubby" ice cream flavor to "Hubby Hubby" to celebrate the legalization of gay marriage in Vermont. But is it a step forward for gay rights--or a step forward for bloggers who go for the cheap joke? Check out the description of the flavor on the picture--those pretzels don't look so appetizing when they're

Forward March

2009-08-25T12:31:00.000-04:00

I don't usually pass along, laugh at, or even read e-mail forwards, but this one was way too funny to ignore:-----Original Message-----From: XXXXXXXXXX Sent: Tue, Aug 25, 2009 11:50 amSubject: INTERNET WARNING INTERNET WARNING:If you get an email titled "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," don't open it....It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.