Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Love Me Some Love Handles

Apparently, not only does being grossly overweight not only enable you to stop a nuclear meltdown in progress, but it also makes you bulletproof as well. I particularly love the article's ending quote from the shooting victim:

"I want to be as big as I can if it's going to stop a bullet."
This woman misses the point on two levels: first, unless she lives in the ghetto-y-est ghetto in Florida, she's far more likely to die from a heart attack, stroke, or diabetes than she is to ever get shot again. More to the point, if she got shot in the side fat, take away that side fat and that bullet misses altogether. With this level of cluelessness, I don't know whether to laugh at or weep for humanity. I guess it's a little of both at the same time.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

How To Watch The Vancouver Olympics

Unlike the glorified track meet that comes around every four summers, I'm actually watching a fair amount of the Vancouver Olympics. Of course, with multiple channels devoted to coverage and lots of simultaneous events, I've had to create a system to prioritize my viewing. Here's my keys to winter Olympic viewing nirvana.

  1. I'll watch my top-tier sports (hockey, curling) over my middle-tier sports (any kind of sled racing) over my lower-tier sports (skiing/speed skating/snowboarding).
  2. If there's multiple sports from a single tier on, I'll watch a medal round over a round robin/preliminary round. If that can't break the tie, I'll watch Team USA over two international teams. If that fails, I'll watch a men's event over a women's event. (Sorry if that makes me sexist. Actually, no I'm not.)
  3. If figure skating is the only thing on, I'll find something else to do. Seriously, I'd rather watch American Idol than that figure skating crap. And boy-oh-boy do I hate American Idol.